CAREGIVERS - 2

The hooded Caregivers were treated to a series of very unpleasant memories from both Xayah and Cislunar, both for different reasons but no less heavy and painful on them as they were forced to relive past trauma. There was never any telling for certain what would be shown in these pools, what it would show them of the true nature of their potential guests. Some had pleasant, warm memories. While others... well, they were similar to what was being shown to them now. 

Xayah was faced with the harsh, gut sinking sensation of plummeting from a great height. Adrenaline hitting her like a train as she scrambled to make sense of up from down. Where she was- when she was when she was thrust into the memory completely. It was cold, the air dry and like ice in her lungs as she walked through thick snow, an old and frequently patched cloak covering her form. It didn't do much to fully protect herself from the cold, but moreso to serve as a cover from unwanted eyes. The sensation of a light satchel rubbing against her side as she walked clued her in to what memory this was exactly, yet she was powerless against being swept into the moment as she relived a source of great pain.

This Xayah was much younger, not yet ready to face the world without the guidance and protection of her mother. Her golden markings had been covered in a dye, to hide her heritage from the crown's many eyes. The Queen would tolerate no bastards. Should she catch even a hint of their existence, they would not be long for the living world. Xayah would not be spared the same fate- neither would any who knew of her, and her mother knew this. So, the dye and cloak were an attempt at preserving her daughter's life, along with living further away from villages to spare anyone else and themselves. Sometimes, it wasn't the Queen's assassins who got rid of the royal bastards.

"Mama, I got the medicine!" Xayah beamed as she entered the small home she shared with her dam, eyes practically sparkling with her pride and hope. With the medicine, her mother would get better! They'd move somewhere warmer after, too. Her mama promised!

The lack of a response made the pup falter, her expression wavering when her mother didn't call from further into the home. Her dam was... very sick. She knew this, and knew that her energy was lacking. But... she'd always acknowledged Xayah in some way... Maybe she was sleeping better now! Yes- that had to be it! With her mind set on the positive, Xayah continued into the home. All but bouncing on her paws as she entered her dam's room and tugged the satchel off. A wheezing rattle of breathing both alarmed and comforted the pup, proving her mother was still alive but that she was... worse. Sicker. The medicine would help though, the doctor told her it would- it had to!

"Mama," Xayah said softly as she settled in next to her mother's head. "I have the medicine. The doctor said it would make you feel all better! Here, you just have to drink it."

A worse wheezing rattle escaping the older duve made Xayah's ears pin with her growing anxiety, but Daella still opened her golden eyes to look up at her daughter. Dim they were with hunger and illness, yet they were open. A comfort, despite everything. The worn quilt covering her mother seemed far too little to the young haedian, Xayah quickly pulling the cloak off to cover her mother in attempt to help her warm up even more.

"Oh, my flower... thank you. I'm so proud of you," Daella crooned, sitting up enough to give Xayah a nuzzle before weakly reaching to the medicine to drink it and lay back down once more. Even propping herself up took too much strength from the duve, able to do little more than lay down and sleep anymore. 

Xayah... she didn't feel comforted by the sight. Something nagged at the back of her mind, nagged at her instincts that this wouldn't be enough. That the ever alarming scent emanating from her dam was for a very real, very unstoppable reason. Something her young mind wanted no part in facing, so the pup wiggled under the covers with her mother to share her own warmth with her dam as well as chase whatever comfort she could soak up. Yet, as her dam curled around her smaller form and gave Xayah another nuzzle, she still didn't feel... settled.

"I love you, mama." Xayah murmured, hiding her face against Daella's neck and in her thinning fur. A small comfort, one not large enough to keep the growing weight in her chest at bay.

"And I love you, Xayah." Daella wheezed quietly, shifting enough to give Xayah an affectionate lick to her head before settling around her only child once more. Xayah was unable to fully rest, despite her mother drifting off and the snow storm growing worse outside. If she could hear Daella's raspy breathing, then she was alive. She would be okay, the doctor said so. Said the medicine would help with the infection in her mama, despite the pup not fully understanding what or where was infected in her mother. Yet... it wouldn't be enough. Too little, too late. Despite Xayah's best efforts. 

Xayah was pulled from her light doze when a louder, wheezed breath left her mother and... no more.

"Mama?" Xayah asked, voice tight and ears pinned as she sat up to look at her dam. Her too still form and rapidly cooling body. "Mama- Mama wake up! You- you can't go, the medicine was supposed to help!"

Xayah felt the hot sting of tears in her eyes as she tried shaking her mother, to get some kind of... anything. A wheeze, a word of comfort, a grumble of irritation- anything. The dead can't do any of that, however. There would be no comfort for the now orphaned pup as she wailed. Screams and incoherent begging tearing out of her chest as she curled around her mother's head, rocked back and forth while her mind spun in circles over her new reality.

The memory swirled, taking Xayah to when she had staggered to the village. Hiccupy and haunted looking as she tried to find someone, anyone who would help her. She... she didn't know how to go on without her mama, and she was too young for her to ever be forced to. Yet , here she was. To her growing horror, callous comments were made between the villagers about how this was what Daella got for having a royal bastard. That starving and freezing to death would be a kinder death to Xayah than what she deserved for simply being born.

The pup knew of her heritage, of the very real threat she faced each time she went into an area with other reosans. Daella would've been a fool to not tell her, and unfortunately, Xayah also understood that her and her mother's lives would've been much safer and happier had her sire claimed her. Legitimatized her.

The heart ache and grief was a chasm in her chest, a hole that twisted and festered into something nasty. White hot hatred filled her, the oh so young vayron all but consumed by the emotion. Xayah hated them- she hated them ALL! They deserved to suffer, not her mother! They should've all died instead! And her sire? The royal line? A special brand of hatred reared its ugly head for them, and what she and Daella had to suffer through. 

Yet, if one were to look at her soul they'd simply see a scared, grief-stricken little girl. Who just wanted her mother back more than anything, yet was forced to be alone. Who didn't mistreat those who didn't deserve it, yet refused to ever allow another so close to her heart.

The Caregivers watching her pool exchanged looks, sorrow for the reosan filling them as other unpleasant memories swirled into view. How she'd been forced into a harsh reality to navigate and survive alone, carving out a spot for herself and no one else. 

"... She is not cruel. Not a monster." One murmured to the rest, swiping a paw over the rippling images to spare Xayah anymore suffering,